


No Meaning in My Pretending

by demmmy



Series: His majesty, King! [1]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Body Image, Dork Lovers Server Challenge, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Pre fame, genderbent, king AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 09:59:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18466639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demmmy/pseuds/demmmy
Summary: Melina thinks Johanna needs a better look for their first gig.Johanna finds herself along the way.(Genderbent AU)





	No Meaning in My Pretending

**Author's Note:**

> Johanna - John  
> Melina - Freddie  
> Regina - Roger  
> Brianna - Brian
> 
> Shoutout to NIghtOfTheLand for reading over this for me!
> 
> Find me on tumblr @discodeakys!

Johanna Deacon was, put simply, very plain.

This trait of hers was desirable to King, who was filled with nothing but big personalities. Between Melina and her outlandish makeup looks to Regina and her strong desire to break the norm, and Brianna who exuded elegance and quirkiness, it seemed Johanna fit in with her...plainness. She was stability among a wild storm of girls who were anything but.

This all was fine until their first performance.

“Jo, you can’t seriously be wearing _that_.”

Johanna looked up from where she was tucking her t-shirt in, focusing on Melina who stood in the doorway to her room, looking seriously unimpressed. Johanna frowned, glancing down at her modest choice of a yellow t-shirt tucked into a pair of bell-bottom jeans. “What’s wrong with it?”

Melina could only scoff in response. “We’re King, darling! We have to put on a show. We don’t perform in...street clothes,” Melina chided, striding across the room to pull a thoroughly confused Johanna along by the wrist. “You look absolutely darling as always but unfortunately it will just not do.”

With that, Johanna let herself be pulled into the majesty that was Melina’s room, trying not to trip on the ‘decorative’ fabric draping over the various furniture, spilling to the floor. Melina led her to the bed, indicating for her to sit down, which she obliged. With a flourish, Melina opened her closet and tapped her lips with a finger pensively.

“Now what to put you in…”

Immediately Johanna tensed up, fidgeting with the edge of the covers of the bed. “It’s alright, Mel, I can just pick out something else to wear…”

“No, no, I insist! Besides, I’ve always wanted to dress you up. Ever since you first auditioned, really…” Melina trailed off as she got distracted with rustling through her clothes, now focused on her mission.

Johanna couldn’t ignore the swell of flattery that bloomed in her chest, but the uneasiness was still there. She knew whatever Melina was going to stick her in would be awfully showy, and while she knew she shouldn’t really mind the attention being in a band and all, she knew there was a limit to how much she could handle.

Still, she stayed quiet, knowing there was no hope trying to convince the other girl.

Soon Melina was pulling something from her wardrobe, practically tossing it to Johanna. “Go on, try this on! I think it would look lovely with your figure, dear.” Melina was now crowding the brunette girl to the bathroom, gently pushing her in and shutting the door behind her before she could say anything in response.

Johanna bit her lip, giving the door one last desperate glance before looking at just what exactly Melina had shoved into her hands. 

It was a long sleeved shirt and short skirt that looked two sizes too small for her. Johanna decidedly tried to ignore the v-neck the shirt was sporting as she set it down and hesitantly changed, just to appease the girl on the other side of the door.

T-shirt gone. Jeans pulled off. Skirt unzipped. Shirt squeezed on. 

_Oh god_.

It was exactly out of her comfort zone. Her cleavage was clearly being shown off---Melina knew just how well-endowed she was, and seemed to want to show it off. The skirt was tight and hugged her ass in a way she wouldn’t mind if it were pants, but instead, she felt like every move she made threatened to show a bit of cheek because of how short the skirt was. The clothes were cute, no doubt about it, it just felt...wrong on her.

She looked horribly _feminine_.

Maybe Melina will notice her discomfort. Maybe she’ll notice her hunched shoulders and nervous glances. Maybe, maybe.

Johanna timidly opened the door, only to find that Regina had joined the singer, and they both looked expectantly at the shy bassist. 

Immediately their eyes widened and soon Johanna was barraged with cooing and gasping from the two girls, now even more uncomfortable at their undivided attention on her.

“Bloody hell, Jo, I didn’t realize you had such a nice rack!” Regina exclaimed. Of course it was Regina that was so forward about it all, leaving Johanna feeling like she wanted to shrivel up and die. 

Johanna knew she had a curvy body. She knew ever since boys in primary school had teased her when puberty hit her earlier than all the other girls in her class, and soon she was figuring out all the best ways to cover up her chest and hips, anything to keep attention away from herself. She didn’t want to be noticed by boys. She just wanted to study and live her life and not be judged by her body.

And even though Regina and Melina aren’t boys, and in fact girls she may have been crushing on for a while now, the same sinking feeling settles in her gut as the girls continue making comments about her body, oblivious to the misery written across her face.

“Oh, Jo, don’t be so shy, they’ll love you tonight, trust me,” Melina tried reassuring her, thinking her discomfort was not as bad as it actually was. “You look absolutely divine, dear. Oh---let me show Bri!” 

Oh, good. Maybe someone with some common sense will notice her horrible discomfort.

Soon Brianna was being ushered into the now cramped hallway, as Melina showed off Johanna as if she were some sort of award winning prize. It was flattering, just...not really comfortable.

Like the two girls from earlier, Brianna’s eyes widened as she took in Johanna’s outfit. “Wow, Jo. You look really good. Melina works wonders, doesn’t she?” She smiled, gentle, like always, and gestured to the makeup she had on---Melina’s touch. Before Johanna could have her hopes up anymore about Brianna maybe being observant for once in her life, she was already walking away, mumbling something about needing to finish getting ready.

Johanna was left to the mercy of Melina and Regina once again. 

“Alright, darling, let me help you with your makeup!”

\---

They were playing at a small pub near the local college, which meant they’d have a somewhat decent crowd of tipsy college students. This was their first real gig as King---their first gig with Johanna as their bassist.

The bassist was nervous before the impromptu makeover from Melina, but now she felt even more out of her comfort zone, in tight, revealing, feminine clothing and makeup. They were going on in a few minutes, so Johanna tried to keep herself distracted by fiddling with her bass, practicing her solo, trying desperately to ignore her shaking hands.

Brianna joined her on the couch set up backstage, precious Red Special at the ready. 

“You okay, Jo?” She asked, brown eyes filled with warmth, and Johanna already felt herself get a little more grounded. Brianna tended to have that effect on her---while it was fun to be around Regina and Melina who were so wild and unique it felt like she was flying, sometimes it was too much, but level-headed Brianna was always around the corner to mellow her out, most of the time.

“Yeah,” she lied, exhaling shakily. “First show jitters. You know.”  
Brianna nodded, gently placing a hand on the other girl’s forearm. “You’ll do great. Don’t worry too much about it.”

Before they could continue their conversation, the band was being called to the stage. It was time to perform.

Johanna stood up and tried taking some calming breaths. 

In. Her cleavage was showing. Out. The skirt looked wrong on her. In. She might topple over her platforms. Out. The lipstick didn’t suit her.

Fuck.

King entered the stage. Johanna tried ignoring her shaky hands. It would be fine. The audience doesn’t care. They’re there for the music.

Before she could continue the hopeful mantra in her head, she heard a few whistles from the audience, coming from men, and that’s when Johanna decided it was definitely not going to be okay. Before she had time to chicken out and run away, it was Regina, already sat at her drums, that addressed the audience.

“Oi, why don’t you---”

She was cut off by a panicked Brianna, leaning into her mic. “Hello, everyone. We’re King. Got a new face up here tonight. This is Johanna Deacon, our new bassist.”

Johanna shyly waved, hoping the audience couldn’t notice how shaky her hands were. 

Melina brought the mic up to address the audience. “Isn’t she darling? She plays well too,” she teased, and Johanna had to turn away, hiding her face behind her hair to hide how embarrassed she was feeling. 

“Here’s a little number called Keep Yourself Alive,” Melina said with a grin, and Brianna started in with her guitar.

\--- 

The show went okay. While Johanna knew she was not her best playing-wise, considering how absolutely out of her element she was in the clothes she was wearing, she didn’t noticeably mess up. Regina’s steady drum beat was easy to focus on and sometimes Brianna or Melina would throw a supportive glance her way.

The last notes of the last song faded out, and Johanna suddenly was brought back to reality. It was easy to get lost in her own world when playing, but now the show was over, and she was faced with the reality that people probably watched her dance around in bop in the showy outfit she had on.

Oh god, oh god.

She was properly panicking, and before Melina could say her last goodbye to the crowd, Johanna was rushing off the stage, bass discarded in the little lounge area backstage before she crammed herself into the bathroom backstage, breath coming in shallow gasps.

She needed to cover up. She needed to change. This wasn’t her, this wasn’t her. She crumpled to the floor, thoughts swirling.

A knock at the door broke through her panicked reverie, and she hadn’t even realized she had been crying until now.

“Johanna? Are you in there?” It was Melina behind the door, and suddenly Johanna was feeling guilty about her breakdown after hearing the utter concern in the other’s voice.

She wanted to speak. Say she was fine, just give her a minute, it’s no big deal. But her voice was stuck in her throat, and instead, a choked sob escaped her instead, much to her horror. She heard mumbling behind the door before another voice called out.

“Jo,” it was Brianna this time, “We’re coming in.”

No, no, no. They can’t see her like this. They can’t---

The door was opened and her three band members all had concern written across their features, Melina instinctively going in for a hug but Regina stopped her, noticing the other’s gasping breaths. Instead, the blonde crouched down to face Johanna properly, still keeping her distance.

“Hey,” she breathed, and if Johanna wasn’t in the middle of a panic attack, she might have considered this might be the softest she had ever seen the other girl be. “Can you take some deep breaths with me?”

Johanna nodded, and Regina led her through some breathing exercises. 

\---

Once the bassist had calmed down enough, the three girls helped her off the floor and out of the bathroom, into the tiny lounge backstage where they could have a proper conversation. Brianna was rubbing Johanna’s back comfortingly, and it seemed to be helping, Johanna practically sagging into the touch.

“Jo, dear, what happened?” Melina questioned, taking the other’s girl hand in hers. Regina took her other hand, and now Johanna had three insanely gorgeous and amazing women touching her all at once. “You were so wonderful during the show. Surely it wasn’t…?”

She bit her lip, glancing away to avoid eye contact with any of them. “It’s the clothes.” Her voice was hard and still wet from crying. 

“The clothes?” Regina repeated, sharing confused glances with Brianna and Melina.

“Dear, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I just thought this would look so much better than what you were wearing bef---” Melina was cut off by Johanna.

“It’s not me. They’re not me. I’m not---” she took a shuddering breath. “I don’t like feminine stuff like this.” I don’t like my body, she wanted to say, but she kept the words bitten back. 

“Jo...you should have told me earlier,” Melina replied, sounding nearly as miserable as the upset bassist. “I promise I would have listened. Given you a nice suit, or something. I don’t know, I don’t---”

“Mel,” Brianna said, keeping her from rambling on. It didn’t seem to be easing Johanna at all. 

Johanna glanced up, taking a good look at her bandmates. Even though Melina pushed her out of her comfort zone today, she still adored her. Besides, she was the one too afraid to speak out. It was difficult with a girl so enthralling and fierce as Melina, who, most of the time, actually did know the most about clothing. Brianna never seemed to have a problem when Melina dressed her up, so Johanna assumed it would have been the same with her. 

“I’m sorry,” Johanna mumbled, and she felt Regina squeeze her hand.

“Don’t apologize for anything, Jo. It’s not your fault. We didn’t know. We’re still learning things about you. You’re so...quiet and mysterious half the time it’s hard to know what’s going on in that head of yours,” Regina explained with a smile, Johanna shyly returning it. 

“Next gig you can wear whatever you like, dear. I won’t pester you,” Melina promised, before speaking lowly, “Just anything but a t-shirt, okay?”

Johanna couldn’t help but chuckle, a sort of sadness still lingering in her smile, still feeling guilty for causing a scene. 

“Why don’t we all go shopping together? And you can show me the types of clothes you like, and I’ll help you pick out an outfit for the next gig,” Melina suggested.

Johanna nodded. “I think I’d like that.” her voice was quiet, as she was feeling horribly vulnerable after her breakdown, but she felt safe. Safe in the hands of her girls, her band. She would do anything for them, probably. Even wear the awful clothes Melina gave to her. 

And while Johanna still felt unsure about her appearance, she knew no matter what, her girls would appreciate and support her. And that was all she needed to feel better, sitting up straight, smiling.

“Come ‘ere,” Regina said before pulling the four of them into a hug. It was awkward and a little strange, causing a few giggles from all of them, but they knew it was where they belonged. Especially for Johanna, trapped in the middle of it, feeling appreciated by her other band members.

“Alright, enough of this. Let’s get Jo a spare change of clothes before we head out,” Brianna said, pulling away, and the girls nodded in agreement, getting to work.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are always appreciated!


End file.
